So Long, Suckers: The New TeeVeePad

I remember it like it was yesterday, if you define yesterday as "1996."

We were just fresh-faced kids back then -- a little unpolished, a little rough around the edges, but energetic and raring to write about the technology that folks called television using the technology that folks called the Internet. We called ourselves TeeVee, and we wrote about television for no other reason than for love of our craft. Which is convenient, as it turned out, as no one really offered to pay us.

Oh, for a time, it looked like they might. In those early days, everyone was getting rich off the Internet. And while we certainly wouldn't have turned down the generous cash offers being doled out to other sites, the appreciation of our readers was reward enough. At least, that's what I kept telling people during our staff meetings and the fact that no one ever spoke up as they stared down at the floor to avoid making eye contact with me suggests that they more or less agreed.

"Don't worry," I'd say every time we read about one of our rival sites receiving a generous payday. "One day, our ship will come in."

Well, that day has finally come, and look! It's our ship, ready to carry us off to a bright tomorrow -- a tomorrow that does not include TeeVee.

Television actor Matthew Perry approached us a while back about acquiring the rights to our Web domain. We were resistant at first, but we decided to at least give him the courtesy of hearing his offer. An envelope full of topless photos of Jennifer Aniston later, and Mr. Perry was the proud owner of the TeeVee.org name.

Perhaps we shouldn't have sent Knauss to handle the negotiations.

Nevertheless, this handover comes at a fortuitous time for TeeVee. Many of our contributors have moved on to better things -- Steve Lutz to a job with the Bush Administration, Monty Ashley to the professional poker circuit, Chris Rywalt to his jug band. Some, like Lisa Schmeiser, found jobs at Web sites that actually pay their writers. Others, mostly Boychuk, were never that valuable here in the first place. Of course, this was all prompted by the death of one of our more prolific contributors, Philip Michaels, back in 2002 under murky circumstances. We've managed to keep up appearances by parsing out his remaining articles, but with just a few samples left in the can -- mostly about shows that were cancelled more than a year ago -- the jig is just about up.

It's been a long, fun, profitless ride. There are many things I will miss about TeeVee -- the all-night writing sessions, the letters from readers pointing out misspellings, the many ways we tried to work the name "Rance Mulliniks" into our annual April Fool's parody. But mostly, I will miss the enormous amount of time that this site has eaten out of my life for the past nine years.

I'd like to leave you now with a few final words from the late Philip Michaels, from a letter that he left behind with strict instructions not to open until TeeVee shut down for business:

I have always hated every one of you -- especially, the readers.

Gee, that's not a very happy note to end on at all. Oh well. Matthew Perry is looking at me and tapping his watch. Looks like we have to go now.

-- Jason Snell,
Editor
TeeVee (September 1, 1996- April 1, 2005)