3/15/05
Quitting: The New Achieving
I want to say a few words to the kids out there.
Kids: some times in life your going to be faced with a task that seems really hard -- impossible, even. Maybe it will be your homework or a chore you do around the house or some sort of project you have to complete. You'll approach that task and think, "There's no way I'm going to be able to do this." And it will seem like all is lost.
My advice to you, kids, when you face seemingly impossible challenges is this: quit.
That's right -- quit. Just don't do it.
Oh sure, you may get slapped with some phony baloney penalty. But penalties can be overcome. And really, what's the worst they're going to do to you? Throw you in prison? Fire you? Kick you off The Amazing Race when you're the only reason people are tuning in? Not likely, kids.
I know you hear things like "Quitters never win." You know what Amber and I call that? Loser talk. When those dopey Amazing Race people wanted me to eat four pounds of meat, do you think I did that? Nope -- I quit. I quit like a Frenchman starring down the Luftwaffe. And do you know what happened to me, the very next episode? I won a trip to London.
What would you rather have, kids? A sense of accomplishment for steeling yourself to meet the challenges laid down in front of you or a trip to London? Who's the winner there?*
"But Rob," you may be saying. "Won't people belittle me for quitting?" Well, sure -- if you're bald and dumpy like those two guys who owned the pizza place in The Amazing Race 5. But if you're devilishly handsome like myself, people will fall all over themselves making excuses on your behalf -- particularly sad, lonely women. They're suckers when it comes to rakish charm.
And do you know what you should do if people still insist on calling you a quitter? Just tell them over and over again what a smart, skillfull strategist you are. (Don't worry -- the sad, lonely women will help!) Eventually, they'll get so tired of hearing you, they'll just shut up. And silence is almost the same thing as agreeing.
* The answer is: Rob is the winner.
Posted by Rob at 6:46 PM
Comments
Oh, Rob! I couldn’t agree more. -- AmberThis page is part of TeeVeePad, a satirical site by TeeVee.org. None of the public figures in this parody are the actual authors of any of the content. All of this work is completely fictional and intended for satirical purposes. Lawsuits are unnecessary.