2/22/2005
Auditioning Barefoot
So I'm driving across town when my phone rings. First thing I think is, something's wrong with Skippy. He's had a bad hairball for the past couple of days, and I'm worried that it might be making him uncomfortable.
But it's not. It's just Morty again, making sure I'm going to be at the audition on time. "Yeah, Morty," I reassure him. "I'm driving over there right now."
The audition is in this bizarre corner of New Jersey that I've never been to before, and when I'm about two blocks away, I park the car because I've found a pretty decent parking space, and I really hate to overshoot and park past wherever I'm going. The problem this time is, I didn't realize that I was just about at the crest of a hill. There's a 20 percent grade between me and the bottom of the hill, which is where the audition is going to be.
I slowly walk down the hill, careful not to scuff my shoes or risk anything that might mess up my hair -- important since they're my two best talents. When I'm about halfway down, I hear something happening behind me. I turn around to see this beautiful blonde girl in high heels walking down the hill. She's really struggling. And all of a sudden, she trips and falls. She hits face-first, and then gravity proceeds to pull her down the steep hill all the way to the bottom. I step out of the way as she passes by. One of her pumps -- heel broken off -- flies off her as she goes by. I pick it up.
When I get to the bottom of the hill, she's still sorting herself out. I hand her the missing shoe. "Thanksh," she says, and it's clear that a couple of her teeth have been knocked askew. "I'm here for thish audishsh."
Is she bleeding on me? "Me too," I say, and help her up the building's steps and into the audition room. She's limping a bit, but other than the fat lip, bloody knee, and broken heel, she looks pretty hot. Sort of like she had just been through a catfight at a beauty pageant. Or on a date with Lorne Greene. Heyo!
A very young casting assistant comes out to greet me and looks down the sign-in sheet. "Are you Noah?
I almost laughed out loud. "No. No, I'm -- wait a minute, yes I am." I think maybe I'm still worried about the blood.
He told me to wait a few minutes, and before long I was ushered in to a dark room. I was reading for the part of Mike, a good samaritan. Yesterday I decided to go a little dark with the part. Sort of like a Good Samaritan on heroin in order to reduce the pain from the bullets that the doctors couldn't remove because they were too close to the spleen or something.
"Thanks for coming in, Noah," they said afterward. "That was really interesting."
I hope that comment, plus the weird eye-rolling thing they were doing when I left, means I got the part! I really need the rent money.
Posted by boxey at 10:18 pm
Comments
You suck, Boxey. -Wil WheatonThis page is part of TeeVeePad, a satirical site by TeeVee.org. None of the public figures in this parody are the actual authors of any of the content. All of this work is completely fictional and intended for satirical purposes. Lawsuits are unnecessary.