12/27/2004
Horton Pitches A Show
I wanted to tell you about my new show
"Fat Actress," it's called. It's on Showtime, you know.
They're hoping, like me, their sad ratings will grow
'Cause they're getting their asses kicked by HBO.
A while back I spoke with my good friend John T.
Of the wonders and joys of Scientology.
"You know what would be super weird?" said he,
"If you could get thin being fat on TV."
I thought for a bit, then I said, "What the heck,
I'll show up, be fat, and they'll cut me a check.
I'll be playing me, that won't be very hard,
Like that show two years back where I played a fat tard."
So I rang up SHO, and discovered with glee
That network is even more desperate than me
"You're fat and make fat jokes? That's edgy!" they said,
"Between you and the lesbos we might pull ahead."
I hope you'll all tune in for our March debut,
There'll be butt jokes aplenty. I might lose weight, too.
To become thin and rich, I must be fat and loud?
What a goofy idea. L. Ron would be proud.
Posted by ka at 11:12 PM
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