We watch... so you don't have to.
Far from Reality
The Duncan Family writes to The Reality Network:
WeÂjust read that you are going to cancel sit-coms. And have all reality shows. That your going to foldÂour favorites (sit-coms) into 'one' that will only last a half hour. When America comes home at night they have had all the reality and drama that they can stand for the day (at work). All we want to do is kick off our shoes and laugh along with your excellent sit-coms.Â
You finally have gotten on a roll of good ones. PLEASE! Don't change them (except you can lose the Drew Carey and Jimmy Kimmel Live, ones. Unless they can clean up their acts) Â. We don't mind that you may send them (the sit-coms) all to Friday night. But don't cancel them.
Remember that people need variety. Some of your reality shows are good. But others are just boring, or lewd and not worth watching. Like, how many different ways can you come up with fornication and adultery. Once you've seen it one time, you've seen them all. Please trash the 'trash' and keep our sit-coms where they are.Â
The Duncan Family of Victoria, Texas
Dear Duncan Family:
Thank you for your feedback regarding our plans for an all-reality-programming lineup. And thank you for your kind words about our sitcoms.
In response, let us just say that we are still going with the all-reality programming schedule. And you are going to shut the hell up and like it.
That's right. You're going to flip on your TV sets to ABC -- just like you always do -- and you aren't going to see anything but reality programming. And you know what we're going to hear out of you? Not a peep. Not a word. Not even a monosyllabic grunt of disapproval. You're going to shut up and take it and smile as our reality shows slide down your throat all nice and smooth.
I mean, I don't want to put too fine a point on this, but I couldn't even find Victoria, Texas on a map. I'm sure "folks" down there are just "jim-dandy," but let's face facts -- the people working for ABC live in Hollywood and New York. And I don't think you'll disagree that Hollywood and New York knows just a little bit more about entertainment than you people out in the 'sticks.
In short, while we can understand your disappointment with our decision to switch our programming focus, we think you'll keep watching ABC because you lack the cranial capacity and moral resolve to do otherwise. And even if you do muster up enough manhood to change the channel, we'll make sure that you never do anything as dimwitted as that again.
Thanks again for your feedback. Next time, keep it to yourself.
Sincerely,
Lloyd Braun
Chairman, ABC
