We watch... so you don't have to.
The 1999-2000 TeeVee Awards: Not-So-Great Expectations
Jimmy Carter -- history's most overmatched president -- popularized that turn
of phrase, much to the scorn of his critics and rivals. But as the Vidiots
steeled themselves last fall for another tussle with Television's cruel and
banal fates, we couldn't help but think, damn if that goofy-toothed peanut
farmer wasn't on to something.
Consider the grim TV landscape we surveyed last year at this time. The
networks harvested a whole crop of new shows, took one look at the fruits of
their labors and tossed nearly all of them into the wheat thresher. That
included some of our favorites, like the under-appreciated, unwatched
Cupid. The new shows that did survive the slaughter -- we're looking in your
direction, Jesse -- gave us the shivers. And some of our old favorites,
such as NewsRadio and Homicide, left the airwaves, the latter in a vapor
trail of declining quality and increasing Jon Seda quantity.
How bad had things gotten? The most-talked-about show as we entered the fall
was Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. A hoot of a program, sure -- but not
exactly the apex of Man's creativity. And, considering TV's mantra of "When
in doubt, copy," the success of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire served as a
chilling portent of things to come: a schedule jam-packed with second-rate
prime-time game shows at the expense of sitcoms, dramas, and anything not
remotely connected to Regis. We hadn't been this afraid since the Dateline
NBC-inspired Great News Magazine Show Scare of '98.
So if last year marked the worst year of broadcast television in quite some
time -- and we submit that any year featuring the talents of Bo Derek, Brooke
Shields, Kirstie Alley, and Ally Walker all on one network certainly reaches
the tournament finals -- then what hope could we have for semi-watchable TV
in the 1999-2000 season?
That's when a funny thing happened: TV began to get a whole lot better.
It started with the rookie shows. Oh sure, there were the usual collection of
programs featuring unknown stand-up comics (The Mike O'Malley Show),
unwanted spinoffs (Time of Your Life), premises straight out of a
Scriptwriting 101 class (take your pick), and about two too many David Kelley
projects. Add to that network TV's alarming decision to greenlight no less
than half-a-dozen shows that focused on attractive young people and their
tedious relationships, and it's a miracle none of us had grabbed a pair of
knitting needles and went Oedipus by Columbus Day.
That's because the shows that didn't suck wind were pretty good. Really good,
actually. Freaks & Geeks conjured up memories of two things we hate more
than the fires of hell -- high school and the 1980s -- and we couldn't get
enough of it. The West Wing promised us an ample helping of something almost
as bad as high school and the 1980s -- Aaron Sorkin's pedantic sermonizing --
but you'll find few shows that are more compelling. Malcolm in the Middle
and Now & Again both challenged the conventions of their respective genres
-- and we're still not even sure what Now & Again's genre was supposed to
be -- and the result was outstanding TV, week after week. Action gave us a
profane movie producer as the centerpiece of a show. Harsh Realm took place
in a virtual reality world. Even WWF Smackdown! proved that there's nothing
wrong with television that character development, backstage intrigue, and a
few shots to the head with a folding chair can't fix.
Maybe some or all of these shows aren't quite your taste. But they're hardly
the Friends-clones and Seinfeld knock-offs we've come to expect from the
networks, at any rate.
Returning shows also got into the act. King of Queens and Futurama had
uneven rookie years. This time around, both were as solid as any show you'll
find. King of the Hill is back on Sundays, where it belongs. The
Sopranos? Brilliant. Everybody Loves Raymond? At the top of its game. The
Simpsons? A spotty year, yes, but even the weakest episode had more laughs
per capita than the very best installment of Two Guys and a Girl.
Even Regis has grown on us. And we never thought we'd say that a year ago.
Consider some of the other life-affirming events that went down this year.
Suddenly Susan and Veronica's Closet, two Bataan Death March-like shows,
finally got their laughless tickets punched. All the Millionaire knockoffs
came, saw and failed, from the lazy Twenty-One to the odious Greed.
Monday Night Football rid itself of bubble-headed ex-jock Boomer Esiason.
The ranks of David Kelley-produced shows grew thinner than the human
skeletons in his casts, as Chicago Hope, Snoops, and the slimmed-down
Ally were trimmed from the schedule. And a magical little box called TiVo
changed the way we watched TV, making sure we saw more of the good stuff and
confining random sightings of Christina Applegate to a few isolated incidents.
Yes, as the song goes, it was a very good year. So good, in fact,
that the competition
has been particularly heated for our annual TeeVee awards -- the accolade so
prestigious that many of our
honorees don't know if they've been nominated and don't show up when they
win. Still, after the
events of the past year, we can't help but feel as if our yearly celebration
of TeeVee's winners and losers may
finally be having the desired effect.
Could it be that our grumpy rants and incessant complaints are finally being
heard from Burbank to Black Rock? After four years as a lonely voice in the
online desert, have we finally gotten network suits to repent for their
transgressions and to sin no more?
Sadly, no. Of the new shows we praised so lavishly five paragraphs ago, only
West Wing and Malcolm in the Middle will make it back for Season No. 2.
Two Guys and a Girl continues to draw breath, as does UPN. And just as the
Millionaire bomb hit last summer and incinerated all in its blast zone, the
success of the reality show Survivor threatens to unleash a horde of
imitators. Already, CBS has saturated the airwaves with Big Brother, a show
that makes MTV's faith-shattering Real World seem like Masterpiece
Theatre.
But that's for a future generation to fret about. Our concern is the season
past -- a pretty good one, even taking into account the phenomenon of
diminished expectations. Great new shows. Continued excellence from returning
favorites. It's almost enough to make us renounce our curmudgeonly ways and
look forward to the coming fall season, just as Jimmy Carter looked forward
to lifting America out of its malaise during his sure-to-be-a-hit second term.
Carter, you may remember, was stomped in his re-election bid. And there's
less than 90 shopping days until Tony Danza returns to network TV.
Additional contributions to this article by: Philip Michaels.
