The 1997 Fall Season Dead Pool: We Handicap The Shows

Here's a quick glance at the 30 or so new offerings on ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox, with the reasons why the show might be canceled, why it might not be, and odds from our resident bookie-wannabe Philip Michaels.

The Wonderful World of Disney
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Sundays, 7 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 28
What It's About: Those heart-warming original movies and Disney classics that give us warm feelings about our otherwise conflicted childhoods are back!
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: The Baptists hate Disney.
Reasons It Won't Be: Disney owns ABC. ABC airs the show. You do the math.
Odds It Will Be The First To Go: 500-1

Jenny
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Sundays, 8:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 28
What It's About: Bug-eyed Jenny McCarthy and her much more attractive pal Heather Paige Kent try to make it in Hollywood as personal assistants. George Hamilton appears as Jenny's dead father.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Proof of a just and loving God? Besides, Hamilton is supposedly the funniest character, and he's dead.
Reasons It Won't Be: With Men Behaving Badly as the leading, Jenny has the "idiot" demographic all sewed up.
Odds: 10-1

Timecop
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Mondays, 8 p.m. (Or after Monday Night Football on the west coast.)
When It Starts: Sept. 22
What It's About: See the movie "Timecop?" We didn't either. We assume they're similar, though.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Even though Jean Claude Van Damme is in no way associated with the TV series, anything with the stench of the Muscles from Brussels remotely attached to it deserves consideration.
Reasons It Won't Be: ABC gave Dangerous Minds a year in this slot to make good. Timecop will at least appeal to the testosterone-heavy crowd of Monday Night Football.
Odds: 15-1

George & Leo
Network: CBS
When It Airs: Mondays, 9:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 15
What It's About: Bob Newhart and Judd Hirsch are mismatched fathers-in-law.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Why not just rent "Grumpy Old Men?"
Reasons It Won't Be: America's strange love affair with Judd Hirsch.
Odds: 15-1

Brooklyn South
Network: CBS
When It Airs: Mondays, 10 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 22
What It's About: A grittier version of NYPD Blue. Which could exceed FDA-recommended levels of grit. From Steven Bochco and David Milch, the boys who gave you the naked, hairy ass of Dennis Franz.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Bochco's capable of the occasional misfire (Cop Rock, anyone?). And of course, CBS is not exactly known as a finely tuned promotional juggernaut.
Reasons It Won't Be: C'mon. Bochco? Cops? Non-singing cops, anyway. If that doesn't say "hit," we don't know what does.
Odds: 50-1

Ally McBeal
Network: Fox
When It Airs: Mondays, 9 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 8
What It's About: Ally's a lawyer looking for love. The twist is we can see her thoughts visualized on screen.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: We can see her thoughts? It sounds like Dream On without the nudity.
Reasons It Won't Be: Everyone loves David Kelley, the show's creator.
Odds: 15-1

Over the Top
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Tuesdays, 8:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 23
What It's About: Out-of-work hammy actor Tim Curry plays an out-of-work hammy actor who teams up with his ex-wife in a business venture of some sort.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: It sounds perfectly dreadful. If Tim Curry ain't in drag, the results can't possibly be good.
Reasons It Won't Be: ABC is trying to establish Tuesday night as its new night of family comedies and may be patient... even if the show is interminable slop.
Odds: 5-1

Hiller & Diller
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Tuesdays, 9:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 23
What It's About: Kevin Nealon and Richard Lewis play a team of comedy writers, yukking it up with their respective families.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Lewis' special kind of awful was most recently seen in the quickly canceled Fox series Daddy Dearest. And old growth forests weren't as stiff as Kevin Nealon during his Saturday Night Live Weekend Update days.
Reasons It Won't Be: With Home Improvement as a lead-in, millions of viewers would have to shut off the TV the instant Tim Allen rolls his wacky blooper reel. Which is a distinct possibility.
Odds: 10-1

Michael Hayes
Network: CBS
When It Airs: Tuesdays, 9 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 15
What It's About: David Caruso hauls his naked ass back to TV as a New York City prosecutor.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Bochco ain't here to bail you out this time, buddy. And we hear the pilot fell short of expectations.
Reasons It Won't Be: CBS has been giving Michael Hayes quite the advertising push. Which could just make the fall all the more painful.
Odds: 15-1

Dellaventura
Network: CBS
When It Airs: Tuesdays, 10 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 23
What It's About: Danny Aiello is a tough, no-nonsense private eye. That's Dellaventura, and not as you might hope, "Ace Ventura."
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Unless we've totally lost our feel for the pulse of America, there's been no outcry for shows starring Danny Aiello as a tough, no-nonsense private eye. Plus, it goes up against a little show called NYPD Blue.
Reasons It Won't Be: Aiello will have Les Moonves whacked.
Odds: 3-1

Dharma & Greg
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Wednesdays, 8:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 24
What It's About: Free spirit hippie marries Ivy League blue blood on a whim. Their families clash. Alan Racchins as a hippie!
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Sounds like a bad movie starring Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek. Oh, wait...
Reasons It Won't Be: Jenna Elfman is a cute as a button. Alan Racchins is a hippie!
Odds: 10-1

Public Eye With Bryant Gumbel
Network: CBS
When It Airs: Wednesdays, 9 p.m
When It Starts: Your guess is as good as mine.
What It's About: Gumbel doing that news magazine thing.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: We're not exactly talking Mr. Warmth here.
Reasons It Won't Be: CBS has committed an awful lot of dough to the grumpy one.
Odds: 500-1

The Tony Danza Show
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Wednesdays, 8 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 24
What It's About: Tony Danza is a single father and a cop and... no wait, that was Hudson Street. Here he's a sportswriter.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Danza has a knack for starring in inane sitcoms.
Reason It Won't Be: America has a knack for watching them.
Odds: 5-1

Built to Last
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Wednesdays, 8:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 24
What It's About: Eldest son takes over the family business. Finally, a bland sitcom about a black family to go with all those bland sitcoms about white ones.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Bland is bland.
Reasons It Won't Be: Have you seen what else is airing at 8:30? Bland is par for the course.
Odds: 5-1

Working
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Wednesdays, 9:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Oct. 8
What It's About: Fred Savage gets a job and it turns out all his co-workers are wacky. We think it's a searing drama of some sort.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Fred Savage and a cast of nameless, human blanks. Plus after Ink bit the dust last year, perhaps it's a sign that America has had its fill of workplace comedies.
Reasons It Won't Be: Wonder Years fans may be duped into turning in to see if Winnie is still hanging out with Fred Savage.
Odds: 5-1

Nothing Sacred
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Thursdays, 8 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 18
What It's About: Kevin Anderson plays an unconventional priest sticking it to the Catholic Church and their fuddy-duddy age-old beliefs. In the family hour, too, so all the kids can be sure and watch.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: If the Old Testament is anything to go by, God does not take to kindly to cheeky TV series.
Reasons It Won't Be: Hey, if you've already cheesed off the Baptists, why not Catholics as well?
Odds: 7-1

Cracker
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Thursdays, 9 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 18
What It's About: Robert Pastorelli is an unconventional police psychologist. And his name ain't Moloney.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Fans of the British series its based on can watch the British series on A&E. Cop shows fare poorly against Seinfeld.
Reasons It Won't Be: So far as we know, the show is not insulting to Catholic dogma.
Odds: 5-1

Union Square
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Thursdays, 8:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 25
What It's About: A cast of unknowns meet at a Manhattan diner to kibitz and make with the hijinks. Sort of a Cheers without the stellar writing.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Even the actors in NBC's promos looked bored by the banality of it all.
Reasons It Won't Be: Remember, Thursday at 8:30 is the slot where the king of all banality, The Single Guy, reigned for two years.
Odds: 5-1

Veronica's Closet
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Thursdays, 9:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 25
What It's About: Kirstie Alley is the head of a lingerie maker. And her workplace is wacky.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Kirstie, say hello to your old Cheers friends, Ted Danson, Rhea Pearlman and George Wendt. They're all looking for work.
Reasons It Won't Be: Critics say this is the best of the new series. Talk about damning with feint praise.
Odds: 20-1

Between Brothers
Network: Fox
When It Airs: Thursdays, 8:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 11
What It's About: A group of guys who hang out and date girls.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Sounds real interesting, doesn't it?
Reasons It Won't Be: Fox Thursday night sitcoms tend to run for a long time on simple inertia.
Odds: 7-1

413 Hope St.
Network: Fox
When It Airs: Thursdays, 9 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 11
What It's About: An inner-city crisis center and all the drama that occurs, therein.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: A sample plot line -- girl contracts gonorrhea from her sex partner, who turns out to be her father. Sounds uplifting.
Reasons It Won't Be: Richard Roundtree stars in it. And we hear that cat Shaft is a bad mother... I'll shut my mouth.
Odds: 10-1

You Wish
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Fridays, 9 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 26
What It's About: Genie comes to live with single mom and her precocious brood of kids.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: This sounds unbelievably stupid.
Reasons It Won't Be: So did Urkel once upon a time.
Odds: 3-1

Teen Angel
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Fridays, 9:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 26
What It's About: Teenager eats tainted beef. Teenager dies. He becomes a guardian angel. Your sponsor? Hudson Foods.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: A show built around someone dying from eating hamburgers? Yeah, families will flock to that.
Reasons It Won't Be: If network executives didn't see the problems with this show when it was pitched, why should they wise up now?
Odds: 5-1

Meego
Network: CBS
When It Airs: Fridays, 8:30 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 19
What It's About: Bronson Pinchot is an alien stuck on earth. He eschews the normal alien proclivity toward body cavity probes to become nanny to a bunch of kids including Jonathan Lipnicki from "Jerry Maguire."
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Pinchot as Balki is enough hell for one world to endure for a lifetime.
Reasons It Won't Be: That Lipnicki kid has a Svengali-like hold on all of America.
Odds: Even Money

The Gregory Hines Show
Network: CBS
When It Airs: Fridays, 9 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 15
What It's About: Gregory Hines is a widowed father with a son.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Since this is the umpteenth family-oriented sitcom to air this year, viewers may finally flip and take their wrath out on Hines.
Reasons It Won't Be: The guy can really tap dance.
Odds: 7-1

Players
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Fridays, 8 p.m.
When It Starts: Oct. 17.
What It's About: A group of cons, including Ice-T and Costas Mandylor, become crack FBI agents. You know, a reality based show.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: It's stupid-looking, it stars Ice-T, and did I mention it's stupid-looking?
Reasons It Won't Be: Mark my words, the show will be canceled. But since it doesn't debut 'til mid-October, that reduces its chances of taking the plunge first.
Odds: 7-2

The Visitor
Network: Fox
When It Airs: Fridays, 8 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 19
What It's About: A man abducted by aliens bearing no resemblance to Bronson Pinchot returns to Earth. Now both the aliens and the government want to get their mitts on him.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: It has the stink of M.A.N.T.I.S. about it.
Reasons It Won't Be: Coupled with Millennium, it's the perfect companion piece for people who like their sci-fi turgid and leisurely paced.
Odds: 5-1

C-16
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Saturdays, 8 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 27
What It's About: America's sweetheart, Eric Roberts, is part of an elite FBI division. No, Ice-T is not in this one, either.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Saturday night is where networks send crap to die.
Reasons It Won't Be: Sometimes that crap -- Profiler, say -- doesn't die.
Odds: 5-2

Total Security
Network: ABC
When It Airs: Saturdays, 10 p.m.
When It Starts: Sept. 27
What It's About: Steven Bochco gives us a private security company. And James Belushi.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: Deathly time slot. Plus Bochco has another new series debuting on CBS. Guess which one he's putting the effort into?
Reasons It Won't Be: All the other networks could simultaneously stop broadcasting on Saturday nights at 10 p.m., leaving ABC as the only alternative to an entertainment-starved public.
Odds: Even Money.

Sleepwalkers
Network: NBC
When It Airs: Saturdays, 9 p.m.
When It Starts: Nov. 1
What It's About: Dreamscape: The Series. No Kate Capshaw though.
Reasons It Will Be The First To Go: NBC has not lifted a finger to promote it.
Reasons It Won't Be: Check out that premier date, Bucky.
Odds: 15-1